When I moved to Arizona, I realized early on that it was silly for me to have moved across the country if I wasn’t gonna leave my house. That’s why I started this website, my Events page, and this blog.
I wanted to show people that trying new things and showing up alone can be really scary. But it can also be really rewarding.
Now, this event was a little more expensive than the experiences I typically feature on my Events calendar, but I was curious enough to give it a try. And honestly? I’m glad I did.
I’ve never been to a formal “singles event,” and maybe this is my pride talking, but attending a singles event felt like broadcasting an insecurity. Like, “Wow, you’re alone,” and now you’re telling the whole world.
However, I’ve done a lot of work lately around my identity and how being single has played a huge role in why I’ve been able to build the life that I have for myself.
I’ve spent a lot of time learning the difference between being alone and feeling like being alone means something is missing. And somewhere along the way, I stopped treating my relationship status like a problem I needed to solve.
So, it felt like the right time to try out a singles event.
I chose this one very specifically. It was at one of my favorite bookshops in town. If you have ever read a romance book and enjoyed it but have not headed over to The Bookish Shop in Gilbert, you are missing out. This is such a cute little bookstore, and I figured that even if the event didn’t work out for me or I wasn’t having fun, I could always buy a book to make myself feel better!
Immediately after walking in, the man in the coffee line in front of me turned around and started a conversation. We just so happened to attend similar book events at another bookstore, and I had just missed him at last week’s book event that I was unable to attend.
It was short, it was simple, but it was a great conversation and an easy icebreaker for the entire evening.
After getting my coffee, because who needs liquid courage when you can have caffeine at 6 PM, I sat down at one of the large tables and filled out the note card. On the note card, you were supposed to put your age, some hobbies, what you’re looking for, etc., etc. You could put as much or as little information as you wanted to.
For me, there are some key factors that I like to point out to people right away, before I even have to have a conversation with them.
First, I practice witchcraft. That makes some people a little uncomfortable because of their own religious beliefs. And that’s completely fine! But I would rather they know that right off the bat than start a long conversation or go out on a date, only to realize that we are not compatible due to our religious beliefs.
Second, I like to mention traveling. This one is a bit of an open wound for me. In my previous long-term relationship, my partner never wanted to travel. He wanted to stay home every single weekend, and I started traveling on my own because I felt like we were missing so much of the world. I absolutely cannot do that in a relationship again.
I want someone who wants to explore and experience new things with me. I want someone who looks at me with excitement when I plan a week’s vacation out of nowhere instead of looking at me like I’ve lost my mind or grown a second head.
So, having note cards like this is a great opportunity to throw that bit of information out there immediately. If you don’t like leaving Arizona, fine! You’re just not for me.
The third thing I always like to mention early on, or put on a note card like this, is actually kind of funny. I like to bring up my cats.
Now, especially because of COVID, I feel like a lot of people have dogs. Dogs are very common. Dogs kind of just come with being single, and somebody usually has a dog.
I also have a dog. She’s 10, super lazy, and great, and we love Nadia. But she is currently still asleep for the day, and it’s noon.
I bring up my cats because I feel like there’s a different stigma around cats.
First, I know a lot of people can be allergic. I was also very allergic when I found my cats in a bush back in 2018. For two weeks, I basically died in my apartment while I was unable to breathe, see out of my blurry eyes, or function.
It was great! 10 out of 10.
But because I found my cats in a bush, and they were so young that they needed my body heat and had to lie on me, they also needed me to help feed them because they were too young to know how.
We are basically bonded for life.
I love dogs, I love animals, and animals love me. But my cats worship the ground that I walk on.
And you know what? I need that type of energy in my life.
I bring this up because I’ve noticed that, especially with men, there is often a negative viewpoint on cats. They don’t like them. They don’t understand them. They’re all allergic. They don’t want to date someone with a cat.
Perfect! I wouldn’t wanna date you either.
All of this is to say that, at this event, I liked that you basically got to put some filters on the group before you even had to talk to a single person.
Maybe that’s what I liked most about this event. Before I even had to introduce myself, I could tell people exactly who I was. Not the watered-down, first-date version of myself. The actual version. The one with the witchcraft, the spontaneous vacations, and two cats who think I’m their personal deity.
I actually really enjoyed my evening.
I had a few small conversations but spent most of the night talking to one person. We had a lot in common, and it made the experience not so intimidating.
I’m not 100% sure that I am ready to put myself back out there fully. Maybe that’s the beauty of an event like this. You don’t have to be ready for a relationship to be open to meeting someone.
If you’re ready to try a singles event, though, I would suggest an event like this. If you’re someone who is looking to take that next step in life, wants to slowly get back out there, or is just looking to connect with new people, go and try!
I found that the setup of this event through Thursday was very open and easy. I did not feel intimidated at all, and they have lots of options as far as event spaces.
I used to think showing up alone meant everyone would notice I didn’t have someone beside me.
Now I think the only thing it really shows is that I’m not waiting for someone else to start living my life.
And if that means attending a singles event, talking to exactly one person, and calling it a successful Thursday night?
Well, I think that’s a pretty good place to be.
So find an event, pick a space, and just go!
You never know what might be on the other side of that decision.
All my love,
Rocks, Talks & Walks
