Advice from an Addict
On addiction, hyperfixation, and learning to love the life you're building.
Hi there, my name is Kaitlin, and I'm an addict.
But I'm also pretty funny, so at least I have that going for me.
Being an addict, and being the daughter of an addict, has been both one of my greatest weaknesses and, strangely enough, one of my greatest strengths.
I grew up watching one of the most important people in my life struggle with addiction while still managing to be a pretty amazing dad. And I'm incredibly fortunate to have a mom who has always chosen to stand beside him.
Because of my parents, I've learned a lot about addiction. I've learned about recognizing patterns, understanding triggers, and how easy it can be to lose yourself in something.
Unfortunately, recognizing your own patterns doesn't necessarily mean you're going to stop repeating them.
Trust me. I've had plenty of practice.
Throughout my adult life, I've gone through periods where I become completely consumed by one particular thing. Sometimes those things have been genuinely unhealthy, like my struggles with alcohol and disordered eating. Other times, they've been relatively harmless, like reading an absurd number of romance novels or deciding, out of absolutely nowhere, that I should study for the LSAT.
For no fucking reason.
I have a bachelor's degree in business management. What was I planning to do with a law degree? Your guess is as good as mine.
But that's the thing about me.
When I decide I'm interested in something, I don't just become a little interested.
I become obsessed.
I research it. I study it. I create a plan. I convince myself that this is the thing I've been looking for.
And for a while, it becomes my entire personality.
Last month, it was becoming vegan.
The month before that, it was studying for the LSAT.
And this week?
Apparently, I'm starting a business.
I wish I could tell you there was some elaborate business plan behind this decision, but there wasn't.
I had an idea for a shared community calendar where women could find local events, discover new hobbies, and meet people who were interested in the same things.
That was it.
I just wanted a cute little calendar.
And somehow, a few days later, I own a domain, have a website, created social media accounts, and am figuring out how to turn this into an actual business.
Naturally.
But something interesting happened this week.
In the process of building Rocks, Talks & Walks, I've taught myself things I never thought I'd need to know. I've learned how to purchase a domain, build a website, customize its design, and create something from an idea that existed only in my head a few days earlier.
I've also spent hours going through photos from my first year living in Arizona, choosing which memories I wanted to incorporate into the website.
And that part caught me off guard.
Because as I scrolled through those photos, I started thinking about everything that's happened over the last few years.
How much my life has changed.
How much I've changed.
And how much time I've spent trying to become someone different.
If I were to describe my twenties through the things I became obsessed with, it would probably look something like this:
Alcohol.
A pretty low point.
Books.
Romance books. They're different, I assure you.
Walking.
The end of a five-year relationship.
Selling my home.
Finally feeling free.
A period of disordered eating.
Writing a book.
Exercise.
Writing that same book again.
Studying.
Coffee.
And apparently, entrepreneurship.
...Full story for another time.
Obviously, not all of these things are addictions in the clinical sense, and not all of them were healthy. Some were coping mechanisms. Some were distractions. Some were genuine passions.
But looking back, I can see a common thread.
I was always searching for something that would change my life.
For years, I knew I wasn't happy with the life I was living, but I had absolutely no fucking idea what I wanted instead.
So I kept trying things.
I tried changing my habits. My body. My routines. My relationships. My goals.
I read books. I wrote books. I walked thousands of miles. I made plans, abandoned plans, and made entirely new ones.
And eventually, I did change my life.
I ended a relationship. I sold my home. I moved across the country by myself. I built a career, made new friends, explored a new city, and slowly created a life that actually feels like mine.
A life that, a few years ago, I would have done just about anything to have. And yet, here I am.
Still finding things to obsess over. Still getting completely consumed by the next idea. Still occasionally convincing myself that I need to become an entirely different person by next Tuesday.
But this week felt a little different.
Because for once, my hyperfixation wasn't about escaping my life or trying to fix something I thought was wrong with me. It was about creating something that celebrates the life I've already built.
Rocks, Talks & Walks started because I wanted other women to experience some of the things that have made me fall in love with my own life. Trying new hobbies. Exploring new places. Meeting new people. Going to events alone. Finding joy in the little things. All the things I spent years learning how to do for myself.
And I think that's why building this website has felt so unexpectedly healing.
Because somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to figure out how to change my life and started thinking about how I could help other people enjoy theirs.
I don't want to romanticize addiction. I've seen firsthand how destructive it can be, and I've experienced some of that destruction myself. I also know that being able to recognize my own tendencies doesn't make me immune to them.
But I do think there's something valuable in understanding where your energy goes, what you're searching for, and why certain things become so important to you.
For me, that understanding has helped me recognize when I'm running away from something and when I'm genuinely running toward something I love.
And maybe that's the lesson I've been trying to learn all along.
I don't need another complete reinvention. I don't need a new personality every month. And I definitely don't need to go to law school (yet).
I just need to keep building a life that I don't constantly feel the need to escape from.
So, if I were going to give advice from an addict, it would be this:
Find the people, places, and things that make you genuinely excited about your life.
Learn to recognize the difference between something that brings you joy and something you're using to avoid yourself.
And when you find something that makes your life feel a little more meaningful, give yourself permission to explore it.
You don't have to turn every interest into an obsession, and you don't have to reinvent yourself to find happiness.
Sometimes, the life you've been searching for is the one you've already started building.
And sometimes, all it takes is a cute little community calendar to remind you of that.
So, take my advice from an addict, and give it a try.
It might just change your life.
All my love,
Kaitlin
