There’s something almost comical about sitting down to write an epic fantasy romance when you haven’t experienced much romance yourself in nearly two years.
My novel is one of my favorite hobbies, and when I find the motivation to work on it multiple days in a row, I’m truly so happy. But right now, I’m going through a phase in my writing where it’s really hard.
I have a fantasy romance novel with a lot of themes that I’m really proud of. I think it ties in some darker concepts, but they’re important ones that we should feel more open and comfortable talking about. It also has some really great characters who are funny, who show love to one another as friends, and I really love where the story is going.
The hardest part of writing my romantasy right now is actually the romance.
I love reading fantasy romance. I love the dynamic of a confident and powerful male lead. But as I’m going on my second full year of being single, I’m having an incredibly hard time writing romance into my novel because I experience so little of it in my personal life.
Sometimes I find myself trying to imagine what these romantic moments should feel like. What would someone say? How would they make my character feel? What does it look like to have someone love you in the way you’ve always wanted to be loved?
And I think that’s where writing romance becomes a little more complicated for me. Because sometimes I’m not just imagining these things for my characters. I’m realizing they’re things I want for myself, too.
Taking a break from dating has been a wonderful thing for me to do. I’ve developed new hobbies, new friendships, new goals, and accomplished some incredible things in just a matter of a few short years. It has been the only time in my life when I’ve felt like I’ve truly been focusing on myself.
But now, as I dive back into my novel, I’m realizing that I’m having to work through a lot of things I want in a partner while trying to write someone into this romantic story.
And strangely enough, that’s also one of my favorite parts about writing my book.
I’ve gone through these periods of transformation in my personal life that I’ve been able to come back and tie into my novel. I’ve realized things about myself and taken lessons that I’ve learned and put them into my female character.
Right now, her story is focused on learning things about herself that she may have never realized before. She isn’t focused on romance. She’s discovering who she is, what she’s capable of, and what she wants for herself.
And I think that’s reflecting in my story.
I hope to take the lessons I’ve been learning over the past few years and continue to write them into my novel. I like that some of the pieces of myself I once thought were so broken are things I’ve been able to reflect on and put into my writing.
Maybe writing romance while I’m single isn’t about trying to imagine a love I’ve never experienced. Maybe it’s about finally understanding the kind of love I want to write about.
And maybe, as I continue to grow, my characters will grow with me.
When my future self sees this, I hope she knows I’m so proud.
All my love,
Kaitlin
